It is a bright Saturday afternoon. I am sitting in church keenly following the program. The choir is singing beautifully. Everyone is looking on.
Just then, a lady comes and sits in the empty chair besides me. “Hi,” she says and I turn to look. It’s a very good friend of mine. After a bit of catching up, amidst the singing of the choir, she picks up my phone and begins perusing through the picture gallery. I begin shivering. My heart beats faster. I feel like snatching the phone away. But I can’t. What would she think if I did? All I do is pray that she doesn’t look at my browser history.
I hold my breath.
I keep a side eye, just in case, becoming more and more restless.
Well, my name is Brian and such were my experiences before I decided that enough was enough. I would look at pornography all night long and forget to clear my browser history. I would even, at times, forget to delete the videos I had downloaded. Anxiety was something very normal to me then. Anyone going into my room, perusing through my phone or at my browser history, all made me very anxious. I lived in constant fear that I would be discovered.
My hopelessness worsened the situation. I considered myself a wretched being, devoid of any purpose in life. I knew that I could never make it without help from outside. Inside me there was no strength, I was too weak. Yet, I hoped for freedom every day. I really begged that one day help would come.
I kept searching. Filtration and accountability programs had failed me, making me feel more hopeless. I wanted to stop using porn but I just could not. Sometimes, I would do nothing the whole day other than watch porn and masturbate.
One afternoon, after wasting an entire morning acting out, I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. “What should I do?” I asked myself. I seemed to have no solution. I gave up on thinking. I picked up my phone again and opened the browser. This time I looked for something very different. Unconsciously, I typed in “Overcoming pornography addiction.” As I scrolled through the results, I saw an ad for Fight The New Drug. I clicked and found myself redirected to The Fortify Program. I quickly read through. These people are promising me freedom from porn in one month, I thought. My eyes widened. I sat straight. Reading closely, I understood what it was all about.
I immediately applied for the teen program. I was exceedingly excited. When I received an acceptance email, my joy knew no bounds.
I am now forty days into the program and I can confidently say that freedom is right around the corner. The program has empowered me to fight. It has given me a reason to be hopeful. Although I have relapsed at times, I have always fought again. Only 37% through the program, I am already feeling very uplifted and hopeful. I rarely have anything to hide. My mood is always constant, instead of perpetual ups and downs. My life is coming back once again. The person that I was before porn is slowly coming back. The fulfillment I find in life nowadays is immense.
I sincerely appreciate the Fortify team for such an initiative. You are giving people back their lives. This is indeed the noblest pursuit that man can ever do.
Keep it moving. Keep it strong. Keep fortifying lives.
Thank you so much Team Fortify.