When we think of superheroes, we often think of a powerful, brave individual trying to defeat their arch enemy. Typically, they are strong, smart, and of course, have superpowers. We think they are indestructible and invincible, but we often forget their supporting cast— their sidekicks. Do you think Batman would have gotten through every challenge without Robin? Would Captain America have been able to fight against Hydra without Bucky? Of course not. For as powerful as these superheroes are, they all needed some help to overcome their challenges.
As you work through your pornography addiction, you are in a similar situation. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you might even have a few superpowers. However, just like Batman and Captain America, you need a sidekick. You need someone to encourage you when you get tired, and to pick you up when you have a setback. In Fortify, we call these sidekicks “accountability partners”.
An accountability partner is someone that helps you through it all; you trust them, and they have your back. Basically, accountability will make your struggle much, much easier to overcome. You might be nervous about telling someone about your struggle. We understand how difficult it can be. But, we also know that pornography problems get worse in isolation, and accountability and honesty can help you break free from the struggle that you may have had for a really long time. To help you through all this, here are 3 tips to help you build the courage to share what you are going through and have a positive experience when you do.
Choose an accountability partner who is trustworthy and will be a good support. We recommend opening up to a trusted adult who cares about your future and would be willing to help. As you prepare, remember that you are not your addiction. This pornography problem does not define you; it is something that has infiltrated your life, and you are taking the steps needed to get rid of it.
2. Be Open
When you talk with your chosen accountability partner, be completely transparent. [phrase here]. However, don’t feel obligated to share every gritty specific detail; simply explain what you are going through, your current situation, and how they can help.
3. Game Plan
Make a plan! Share your Battle Plan, goals, and potential vulnerabilities so your accountability partner can be fully aware of how to assist your recovery. If you don’t have a plan yet, create one together.
We understand how difficult it can be to share this problem with someone else. It’s normal to feel embarrassed or shameful. Even though it may be scary, opening up and sharing your struggle is possibly the biggest step you can take towards freedom and recovery. Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Opening up and being accountable to someone will pull a large weight off your shoulders and allow you to face this problem with help, rather than alone.
Realize that many people have struggled with this problem. You aren’t the first and you definitely aren’t the last. Many people struggle in silence, too afraid to speak out because they are afraid that others will judge them or shame them. That idea is false. You are a good person. Your commitment to going through the Fortify Program shows that. Your accountability partner will be understanding and will be willing to help you in any way that they can. You are brave and courageous and you are committed to doing everything you can to overcome this problem. We believe in you, and so will your accountability partner.
If you are still unsure about how to approach this conversation, here is a possible example of how it can be done:
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second? I trust you a lot and that’s why I am talking to you now. I think I need your help with something I’ve been struggling with. I want you to understand that I have tried to deal with it on my own for some time but feel that to truly overcome this I will need your help and possibly the help of others. I’ve been struggling with pornography, and after learning that it can be as addictive as other drugs, I realized that I couldn’t overcome it on my own. So I started the Fortify program — a program developed for people struggling with an addiction to pornography - and it has helped me understand the importance of getting someone like you involved. I feel like I need to be accountable to somebody, and I’m hoping that you will be that person. Will you be my accountability partner? It would help if we got together at least once a week to talk about my challenges and progress as well as discuss ideas on how I can continue to improve. It might be good if you also monitored my Internet usage using accountability software to help me stay focused. I may eventually invite others to help as well to strengthen my support and chances of recovery. This is a very personal issue and I trust that you will keep this between us until I am comfortable opening up to others. Thank you for listening and understanding. That means a lot to me and I already feel more confident in my ability to beat this with your help.”
If you’ve had a successful experience with accountability, we’d love to hear from you. Message us on Facebook!