Let’s talk about urges.
I mean, that’s where everything starts, right? You can be going throughout your day with no issues but the instant that pesky urge hits, that’s when the real battle begins.
1. a strong impulse or desire.
synonyms: need, compulsion, longing, yearning, hankering, craving, hunger, thirst
Now, if you think about it, you’re not necessarily fighting against porn, you’re fighting against the urge to watch it. If you can learn to more skillfully work with your urges to look at porn, you will have a handle on your whole recovery. It’s all a matter of recognizing your urges and then doing what it takes to outlast them without having a setback.
One of the most important things to remember when overcoming your urges is that they WILL go away.
Most people generally believe that an urge will increase in intensity until you give into it. Isn’t that how we usually think? That an urge is this infinite thing that will keep going upward and upward as time goes on and won’t stop until we indulge the urge?
In reality, an urge is less like a forever rising spaceship and more like a wave in the ocean; it swells to a peak and then subsides. In other words, urges and cravings - no matter how strong - will eventually go away if you just wait them out.
This is always the case.
Not just sometimes - always.
That being said, it won’t always be easy. Some urges will be stronger than others and will feel like they will never go away. But trust us, if you face the urge head on, they will always pass.
Some people call this “urge surfing”.
Surf’s up, bro!
And just like a big wave surfer, it takes strength and courage to stand and face an urge.
So instead of trying to run from an urge or worse, give in to it, do this: stay present, step back, and watch it. Instead of trying to replace the urge, stand up to it and let it pass. Stay conscious and recognize the emotions you’re feeling. Notice the urge grow to its full strength and just watch it.
Like a hunter in the forest or a scientist observing an experiment, patiently wait for the urge to dissipate and fade away. It’ll be hard for a minute, but like a wave, it’ll break, wash onto the shore, and then recess back into the ocean where it came from.
It may take a while to master this technique, but we promise, once you do, you’ll be a world champion “urge surfer”.
Party on, dude.